Kids Ask the Darnedest Things!
by TheIslandofLegends
Summary: Having intelligent children isn't all it's cracked up to be. Especially when they start asking questions, Amy learns. *Shamy and Lenny*


**This is just a little one shot I had in my head and I wanted to write about it before I forgot since I thought it was a kind of sweet idea** **J** **Hope you like it! It's crap but it's nearly midnight and I'm tired.**

Shelly wandered around the apartment in her favourite little red dress. It was the one with blank tulips on it, and she wore a matching cardigan over it along with red and black striped tights. She wore her hair, but her mother had tied her trademark red ribbon neatly at the back of her head, enhancing the shininess of her brunette locks.

Shelly liked dressing up, but she had a good reason to today. She was going to see her Godfather Leonard and Penny in the hospital. Leonard had drove Penny there a couple of hours ago for a check up to see how her pregnancy was coming along and to make sure there were no complications, even though she was already 8 months in and highly doubted there would be anything to discuss. However, the doctors had discovered the baby had stopped growing… or something like that. Shelly couldn't remember what her dad had told her. Anyway, they decided to induce her so that she could have the baby now. Shelly couldn't say she was excited, since she didn't like babies much. All they did was scream, cry and make a mess, but she had to go since Leonard and Penny had left their daughter with Shelly's parents and they were all going to the hospital together.

Shelly liked Beth. They were around the same age and best friends. Beth was definietely not as smart as Shelly (Shelly believed) but they shared many of the same interests and spent most of their time together, since their parents lived across from each other. They were much larger apartments that what they used to live in – they had moved to a new building entirely in order to have more room – but it was still the same arrangement as they had years ago when Shelly's parents had first moved in together.

Beth was looking forward to a new brother or sister. Shelly didn't quite understand why anyone would be happy to give up their status as only child and end up having to share their stuff, and she was grateful that her parents were not planning on having a second child. They had the perfect child on the first try, her dad had said, so why bother having another who will probably be a disappointment?

Shelly and Beth had just put on their shoes in her room when they heard Amy call, "Girls, are you ready? We want to be going now so we don't miss anything."

"We're coming, mummy." said Shelly. The two children, along with Sheldon and Amy headed out and made their way to the hospital.

"Are you excited to be a big sister?" Amy gleefully asked her goddaughter, who sat politely in the back of the car.

"Yeah," she replied with giddiness. "I hope it's a girl. I'd love a sister. What are the odds it'll be a girl, auntie Amy?"

"A good question," Sheldon interrupted eagerly, looking up from his phone. "It's all based on genetics and chromosomes. Most studies suggest it's a 50% chance either way, but there is a lot of scientific evidence that points toward sex being influenced by other factors, such as parent's nutrition, the speed of the male's spe-"

"Sheldon, she's not going to understand what any of that means." Amy told him sternly.

"I did." piped Shelly, beaming.

"I've already explained it to you before, Shelly. We'll need to discuss more on genetics when we get home. I'll teach you the basis of asexual reproduction if you'd prefer, seeing as how you like learning new stuff as soon as possible."

"Yes, please." said Shelly, smiling.

"What does asexual mean?" asked Beth quizzically.

"It's when an individual organism is produced without the gametes fusing." Shelly educated her. She looked proud while doing so. "Or, it's when a person does not experience sexual attraction."

"Shelly." Amy warned her in a cautionary tone.

"What?" she blinked, confused. "That's right, isn't it, daddy?"

"Indeed it is." he said sounding very pleased, smiling at his little progeny.

"What's sexual attraction?" the blonde 8 year old asked.

"It's-"

"Shelly," said Amy, glaring at her. "I think this is something Leonard and Penny should tell Beth."

"Why? I know what it is, I promise! Daddy told me, I won't get the facts wrong, I swear. Please, mummy." pleaded Shelly.

She was always so eager to show others how smart she was, which greatly annoyed Amy. Shelly was never arrogant or smug about it, unlike her father, but her enthusiasm to show off her IQ and knowledge exasperated her when it came to times like this. She never objected to teaching Shelly about the sexual reproduction and the works, in fact when Sheldon told her he was going to tell her everything, Amy encouraged it. Why hide it, after all? Their daughter was very mature. So was Beth, but Amy didn't think Leonard and Penny would be pleased that their 8 year old daughter was learning about the birds and the bees from her same aged best friend.

"I'm sorry, kit," said Amy, which is what she called her. "But this is a discussion Leonard and Penny need to have with you, Beth."

"Why? What's the big deal? Dad says we should share knowledge whenever we can." said Beth. She turned to look at Sheldon. "And besides I don't even know if they'll tell me what it is. I asked them where my sibling was coming from and they refused to answer."

"Well, that's their choice. They'll definitely tell you when you're older." Amy told her, eyes focused on the road ahead. "Just be patient."

"Ugh, what's the point?" moaned Beth. "It's not fair that Shelly knows so much more than me."

"Do you really not know where babies come from?" asked Shelly, incredulous. That was basic pre-school knowledge, wasn't it?

"Nope." sulked Beth, sinking back into the car seat and folding her arms in a huff.

"Shelly, stay quiet." ordered Amy. The last thing she needed was for a sex talk between two 8 year old girls in the back of her car.

"Okay, I'll be quiet." she promised. Nothing was spoken for several seconds and Amy began to relax. After a minute, Shelly leaned in so that her face was close to Beth's and she began to whisper.

"SHELLY!"

"I was being quiet!" she protested.

"Shelly, just tell her in a safe for work way." Sheldon lightly advised her, trying to calm the situation. "Leave out the R rated bits."

Amy glared daggers at her husband.

"Do you want me to crash this car? Do you?"

"It concerns me you're afraid to educate young minds on the basics of sexual reproduction but are willing to end their lives." said Sheldon.

The children decided to give up. They knew better than to start an argument between Sheldon and Amy.

"I need to pee." said Beth after a while. "Are we close?"

"We're here." said Amy with relief, pulling up into the parking lot. "Grab your bags and let's go."

Beth and Shelly stepped out of the car. Amy went over to pay for the parking, and Shelly saw an opportunity.

"Hey, Beth, speaking of peeing. You know it comes out of your vagina? Well, the vagina is also used for-"

"Shelly, I'm fully for you explaining this but if Amy finds out I let you tell Beth about the other uses of female genitals I'm sleeping with the fishes." Sheldon uttered warningly.

Beth looked at him, and then back at Shelly.

"You know, I see the word sex written everywhere on billboards, in magazines and on the Internet all the time. If they want to keep children from knowing about it, they're doing a pretty bad job."

BONUS

"Daddy, I need to know." Beth said to her dad once they had brought her baby brother home. "Where did Mason come from? It's to do with sex, isn't it?"

Penny shot her spectacled husband a curious look, wondering what his response was going to be. There was an awkward silence and he bit his lip, his face red in embarrassment.

"Yes," he replied simply after a slight hesitance. "A biological male and a biological female need to have sex in order to create a baby, that's the most basic way of putting it without going into any detail."

"Can you please go into detail?" Beth begged. "I don't want to look stupid in front of Shelly. She knows all about it and it makes me look really dumb."

"Sweetie, you're not dumb. Shelly's just… abnormally intelligent." Penny comforted her. "Don't compare yourself to the child of Sheldon Cooper. You know what he's like don't you?"

"But I want to know about it anyway. For me. Did he come out of your vagina?"

"Well… yes…" Penny stuttered, not sure what to say. If there was anything she hated about marrying an intelligent scientist, it was bearing his intelligent child who had a habit of asking questions beyond what a girl of her age should be asking. She wouldn't give her up for the world, but she really wished she had inherited her IQ as well as her looks. It was bad enough having one brainiac in the house.

"Daddy-" she began to look at her dead with optimistic eyes, but he quickly cut her off.

"Ask your mother. She's had way more experience with sex than me."

"Screw you, you rat bastard." she spat.


End file.
